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The divorce rates worldwide are increasing alarmingly. Each year we read statistics that show the upward trend not only in the West, but also in Asia and other continents.
New-found freedom, double family incomes and emancipation have opened the floodgates to divorce. With the liberalisation of laws, couples have found it easier to part company.
In India, for instance, the divorce rates have doubled in the past five years. The growth of the urban middle class, the increased focus on careers and new aspirations have been blamed for many break-ups.
Even in South Korea, international marriages are on the rocks. The couples can converse in the same language, but after a few years, they cannot communicate with one another. The disunion is ascribed to cultural, religious and family conflicts.
Many traditional marriages among Koreans do not end in divorce simply because most of the husbands are free to have a fling off and on. Subservient wives turn a blind eye to the affairs although matrimonial ties are fragile.
In Malaysia, nearly 100 divorces occur occur daily. In simple terms, four marriages break up every hour.
Cultural differences
Of course, the US takes the lead in the high number of divorces. After only five years of wedlock, 23 per cent of Americans file for divorce. Many wives are taking the initiative to split up, thanks to women's independence and equal rights.
Lawyers, marriage counsellors and surveys have pointed out the reasons for divorce. In Russia, where many couples marry young, the causes range from alcoholism and beating to cheating and rudeness. On the other hand, many British couples cite incompatible behaviour and adultery for the divorce. The divorce rates are high among couples in their forties.
Estranged couples have also singled out drug addiction, interference by in-laws, religious or cultural differences and sexual problems as the causes for divorce. Interestingly, some have also blamed Facebook for encouraging infidelity and their partners' body odour.
When it comes to the crunch, lawyers will come up with many grounds to terminate marriages. Whatever they may be, most couples are only keen to see that the divorce proceedings are over and done with.
No much effort is made to provide remedies or foster reconciliation. The gospel truth is that it is no longer a stigma to be a divorce or divorcee. Besides, both parties can turn to support groups.
Religious organisations may sometimes offer advice, but most counselling sessions do not lead to the "kiss-and-make up" ending. It is pointless to inculcate fear or make threats when unhappy couples are set to split up. Punitive measures also produce negative results.
The breakdown of communication is a vital factor. This happens when partners treat themselves as strangers under the same roof or even in the same bedroom. They choose to remain silent lest sensitive issues flare up.
Yet communication allows estranged, separated or hurt couples to air their views and grievances. A few minutes of screaming, weeping and then making up can be a remedial measure, that is, when emotions and tantrums are checked.
Communication through the cultivation of mutual interests can work wonders, too. A verbal combat within reasonable bounds is another form of communication.
Counsellors and couples alike have to find more fun and communicative ways to mend strained relationships. A course in make-up or fashion can be a matrimonial turnaround. A keep-fit programme to eliminate overweight can also be advantageous to both partners. Second-honeymoon excursions may even stir neglected passion.
Counselling has to be conducted by qualified marriage experts and experienced psychologists -- not in-laws, religious fanatics or quacks. New breakthrough approaches have to be explored and adopted without reproachful lectures, threats and humdrum commandments.
Occasional endearments
Before they allow their families to break up, couples in dire straits should discover meaningful, exciting avenues to enrich their marriages and rekindle the magic of love and togetherness. For a welcome change, they should go off the beaten track to find their path back to the bedrock of matrimony. Imagination can be a potent force. So is creativity.
Couples may have lost sight of the importance of age-old values, but they should continue to talk frankly, if not sweetly. Talk about the strains of their fast-paced society, challenges in marriage and career and even their frustrations.
Subject to strains and stresses, couples need to blow off steam. They want to be heard. Moreover, they need occasional endearments and reassurances.
A married life can be mundane when partners take each other for granted, especially after they are saddled with some children. Children's upbringing, household chores and frequent absences can rattle spouses.
Every marriage is founded on communication. Without it, couples drift apart.
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